Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store and you bought me a diamond ring."
Husband: "I had the same dream and I saw your dad paying the bill."
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked, "Why are you home so early?" He answered, "Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class." She said, "Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?" Jimmy replied, "The question was 'Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?'"
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?"
Son: "I don't have it."
Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."
A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!"
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.
Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.