Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? 
A: Because he was always spotted.

Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 
A: Envelope.

Q: How do you count cows? 
A: With a cowculator.

A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.